My first experience with this book and movie was this summer as I listened to the audiobook on the way to and from Grand Rapids.. It was one of those books that leaves you thinking, invigorated with those dreams you once had. (or maybe other people still have those dreams, and I’m the only one who occasionally leaves them behind her…) After reading this book I had a dream of taking this year to travel. Part of me is disappointed that I didn’t make it happen, that I didn’t trust God enough to take care of the financial aspect of going on the Human Trafficking World Race. However, I trust that right now is where I belong. Maybe I need to struggle a little longer with these things that are weighing me down and maybe I need to learn that running away isn’t a good solution because the problems are always there when you get back. Take Colorado for example: GREAT time in my life, but I came back to the same old problems. However, who knows if I would have had the strength to finally walk away from the biggest problem at the time.
In this book the main character goes from learning how to have pure joy to pure self control, to a balance. The self control part was the part I found most interesting. At some point in the movie she says that she is her own god, and that everything she is doing while meditating or whatever else is for her. Unfortunately I see this same ridiculous thinking among many Christians, including myself. We seek out to please only ourselves. We will give as much of ourselves to God as makes us feel good. We are selfish beings. At this point I’m not sure if we do anything that we do not believe will benefit us in some way. This includes doing someone a favor because it makes you feel like you are a good person. Do we do the favor just to boost our ego?
The truth is that we are NOT our own gods. We have ONE God who is on high. He deserves all of us. Not just whatever feels good.
Because of this behavior, I have begun to have very little faith in humanity. It feels like we are all fighting a losing battle with Satan, even though I know God is so much more powerful than all of this. All I see around me is selfishness and pettiness. It is disheartening. I have withdrawn from the world because right now I don’t even understand most of the time what God’s plan for community is. Or what God’s plan for relationships is. My skeptical attitude lately has caused me to retreat to crafts & sleep.
I pray that I can work through these issues of community.
